Sunday, November 15, 2009

fucking god this is the THIRD TIME I'VE TRIED TO POST
FUCKING ALT CODE GODDAMN YOUR ASS FUCK

now i'm PISSED OFF to couple with the lonliness & sadness & the thinking too much on EVERYTHING including something i thought i could get over easily. i want to get on a plane & just go somewhere. right now.

fuck



"calm" playlist (typing this bitch up is what keeps fucking navigating me away from the goddamn page what's the point of autosave if it DOESN'T SAVE YOUR FUCKING DRAFT by the time this works i'll have the list memorized)

1)Candyland-- CocoRosie
2)Slow Me Down-- Emmy Rossum
3)Shiaull Ersooyl--?
4)Arrane Ny Niee--?
5)Trees Lay By-- Josephine Foster
6)Monday's Rain-- The Clientele
7)Haunted Melody-- "
8)Lamplight-- "
9)One the Death of the Waters-- Shearwater
10)The Hunter's Star-- "
11)Return to Me-- October Project
12)Heart of Chambers-- Beach House
13)Rose-Red-- Woodland
14)Wild Child-- Enya
15)One By One-- "
16)May It Be-- "
17)Song of Nimrodel-- The Tolkien Ensemble
18)Gabriel-- Lamb
19)Beautiful Girl-- Poe
20)The Call-- Regina Spektor
21)Lullabye for a Stormy Night-- Vienna Teng
22)Shine-- "
23)Bonny Portmore-- Loreena McKennitt
24)The Lady of Shalott-- "
25)Temptasyon-- Mediæval Bæbes
26)Canon-- Johann Pachelbel
27)Last Night, Good Night (duet)-- Vocaloid song
28)Karenai Hana-- Shimokawa Mikuni
29)Istudemo Nando demo (Always With Me)-- sung by Kimura Yumi (composer: Hisaishi Joe)
30)At the Beginning-- Anastasia soundtrack
31)Fireflies-- Owl City
32)Allegria-- Cirque du Soleil

"sad" playlist
1)The Perfect Ending-- Straylight Run
2)Any Other World-- Mika
3)Speeding Cars-- Imogen Heap
4)Colorblind-- Counting Crows
5)Makka na Ito-- Plastic Tree
6)Field Below-- Regina Spektor
7)Chemo Limo-- "
8)Ode to My Family-- The Cranberries
9)Empty-- "
10)Wall of Silence-- October Project
11)Pilgrim-- Enya
12)The Godfather: Part II-- Harry and the Potters
13)The Legacy of Odio-- In This Moment
14)Carry Your Cross and I'll Carry Mine-- Tiamat
15)Eva-- Nightwish
16)Nemo-- "
17)Frutto del Buio-- Blind Guardian
18)Amity (live)-- The Gathering
19)Adagio-- att. to Tomaso Albinoni

"fuck you" playlist
1)Curse of Fëanor-- Blind Guardian
2)Leader of the Rats-- Arch Enemy
3)We Will Rise (live)-- "
4)Bye Bye Beautiful-- Nightwish
5)Stick it to Dolores-- Harry and the Potters
6)(never) Do What You're Told-- The Remus Lupins
7)Fat Fatty Fuckin' Pigs-- The Underneath

and then i had one for October & there's one for Hetalia, which is shorter than it should be. it's only got england's & america's Maru Kaite Chikyuu on there, & both of england's character songs. i never go on the lj comm to see if anybody else's has come out, orto go back through the tags to get any more. & i never listen to "einsamkeit" anymore; ffff gomenne, doitsu. that would fit on the "sad" playlist or something; a hurr hurrrrrr.

and now it's almost 5 am. thursday night i actually fell asleep at 10, woke up at 3 for a second, then fell back to sleep until 5:30-ish. it was unprecedented.

and so now here i am, sleeping in till almost 2 pm on saturday & then staying up till 5 am sunday morning. but i had this stupid idea to do a sketchbook of drawings before i went to sleep, so i have to do that before i go & keel over. & they're self-portraits, too; why; i don't even like self-portraits. i hate looking at my fucking face. maybe that's why. that makes no sense, probably. orz

meanwhile, we set stuff on fire at the senator yesterday & it got really terrifying at one point. like as in, excuse me while i have visions of the place going up in flames as Gayle dropped the bowl to stamp out the fire. i took pictures & put them on facebook. here's one



o yeahhhhh

...going downstairs, just asked mother if we were doing anything interesting today. her mouth was full, so she looked like some sort of gerbil or something & she shook her head & i was like, why, & she shrugged. i just said it was lame. because it is. extremely lame. i'm tired of being stuck in this house because i can't drive & i don't have any friends around who do. i don't have any friends around period. but i'm sick of being stuck here & never having adventures & shit & doing the things you're told you're supposed to do via quotes from (sometimes dead) famous people (like Mark Twain) & i'm jealous of people who are actually out there living. i don't like this. i don't like life. i hate this, i hate it ALL. goddammit.

actually had an interesting dream yesterday that i remembered & wrote down a quicky kind of outline about & it didn't do too many weird things. it had a plot & characters, actually, & i knew things that were plot points & stuff, like the fact the protagonist had pretzel sticks would get her in trouble because she wasn't supposed to have pretzels.

i need to stop refreshing facebook & sleep. ooo anastasia sooong. i want that movie on dvd or smthg. oh hey something else i can put on my wish list. it is absurdly difficult to think of a christmas/birthday wishlist, & i get aggravated when people bug me about it

yeah, well

i've put on "america &/or england's character CD"

decipher THAT ohohohohoho <-sounds more like france oh god wat



i clearly need sleep & will regret this post in the morning.

4 comments:

Janna Morton said...

These look like some good mixes!

I get really tired of seeing all those "inspirational" quote messages bombarding the blogosphere. It was kind of cool when it first started but now I'm just sick of being told to "keep calm and carry on," etc, etc.

Caitlin said...

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs052.snc3/13941_104118226271758_100000207435510_105388_921205_n.jpg KEEP CALM & CARRY ON

Really, i haven't been noticing them on most blogs i happen across. It's more when i go out & look for quotes i like that i come across some that are in the "inspirational" vein that don't suck, but at the same time, it's like, well, what am i doing? I'm not exactly living. It just frustrates me.

Janna Morton said...

Pssh. What is that, Hetalia?

I definitely think that if you are unhappy with your life you should try to do something to change the things you don't like about it. At the same time, though, I think the concept of "having a life" or "not having a life" is all relative. Just try to do the things that you like to do as much as possible, I guess.

Maybe you should look into an internship or studying abroad. I'm sure you'd be a great candidate considering your interest and ability in foreign languages and your artistic talent. I know you don't have the money to pay for it but there are supposed to be more scholarships out there this year due to the recession. I'm going to try to start looking into that sort of thing myself, soon. A lot of my school friends are either studying abroad next semester or summer or getting really awesome internships and I'm kind of jealous. I really want to travel and get a new perspective on things. Gain some experience.

Janna Morton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.