Tuesday, December 15, 2009

eurgh, why do i look vaguely like some hipster or something? & you can't even see the bracelets in this.

i'm just really sick of hipster indie cleverness. i mean, i'm a cynical person, but apparently i have my moments of optimism (perish the thought), & this "cleverness" that just seems to pervade most sites i end up on seems somewhat opposite of feeling, if that makes any sense...? like, okay, fine, you can write some word or some quote in your neat little artsy lettering, or you can get some skinny-ass girl to bend over like she's in despair or something, but guess what? your "indie-ness" is hackneyed. it's overused, it's not fresh. i'm uncomfortable now with some of the images i've saved onto this thing (still-unnamed-laptop) because they're the kind i'm starting to get sick of. or just, i don't know, it's difficult to describe.

i'm not trying to insult anyone, or their way of being or ideas of beauty. it just seems like there's some sort of glut on such images, where some sort of modern writer's quote has been written in fancy lettering in a moleskinnie, next to either some "artsy" drawing or a model cut out from a magazine. and, just, i'm sure many, if not all, of such images are still made from feeling & honest intentions, but you see it everywhere now, so that it feels forced, it feels overused, & you find yourself asking, now, is this actually the person's style, or are they just trying to be "artsy," & trying too hard? it feels hackneyed & dull, & devoid of true feeling. this obviously goes into what each individual thinks is "art," of course, which is a discussion i always hate to get into, because people can get so angry (it ranks up there with religion & politics, which seems kind of odd, if you think about it) because it's so individual to a person. i found myself backed into a corner one day when i made a face at mentioning Thomas Kinkade, & was asked why i felt that way. i can't even really name it; it's just something about that stuff that turns me off & away. but that doesn't hold up as an argument. it all depends on the person, & oftentimes, likes & dislikes don't come with a nice explanation tacked on. sometimes dislikes can be very mean & hurtful.

but really, all in all, i just feel sick & tired of seeing these "artsy" little things that don't feel right. they feel like they're trying too hard, more like they're trying to fit into a lifestyle more than anything else. they don't feel sincere, they feel jaded. i think that's what's bothering me the most. me, a total pessimist, feels like these things are jaded in the most uncomfortable way. i can't describe it; i feel like there's a difference to my cynical pessimism-- in which i can be very mean, very uncaring about pretty much everything-- & the weird, artsy jaded feeling that i get from these drawings & pictures & things. i feel like outright, "fuck-the-world-because-it-sucks" pessimism feels more real than some overused quote in fancy lettering next to some skinny pretty magazine model. i mean, hello. how the hell does that add up, how does that work?

i'm probably being contradictory in my arguments, & a hypocrite to boot. but i really fail to see how these are so liked, when so many of them feel like void. i think you can tell when someone's bullshitting & when they're not. when they're trying too hard to sound or look or seem "artsy" & "different." i'm not saying i'm any better. oftentimes i feel like one could look through my own sketchbook & see that. but then, on the other hand, you have to try out new & different things, & not feel shackled to one way of making or doing things. apparently, writers get told there is a finite number of plots; music students get told there are a finite number of scales. you don't really have that in visual art. maybe that's why so many people just go & do whatever. on the one hand, i know what things make me roll my eyes, but on the other, how bad would it be if we were told, "well, you can't do x, y, & z." and that does get said, i think, in some places. what, you want to do narrative art? that's illustration; ewwww-- like it's any less of an art? simply because it's narrative & not artsily abstract & filled with the current "artsy" trappings, & is devoid of an artist statement like, "i am interested in the spaces between people and the planets and birds sitting on wires." (i dunno, that doesn't illustrate my point, i don't think.)

what it comes down to, i guess, is just that i have these certain preferences. i feel like certain things try too hard to be stereotypically "indie" or "artsy," & that this seems to be the prevailing idea nowadays when it comes to art. it seems more about some sort of lifestyle that's been glamorized that people want to have. it's not about making things, or you can tell when it's sincere & when it's bullshit, when it's just about "omg look i'm so, like, different & artsy." maybe i'm being mean & hypocritical & maybe i just need to shut up & let people just be. but it's just been nagging me a little bit more recently. it's like, it wants to try & be artsy & maybe glamorizes a lifestyle & emotions & things (especially more depressive emotions, because i guess that's artsy too. i don't even know. don't glamorize feeling like shit, come on), but it feels jaded & devoid of actual emotion. like, i mean, going with the whole idea of "feeling depressive is suddenly cool or something"-- i think there's something behind the idea that more creative types have issues (or whatever you want to call it), which lends itself to creating (when it's not debilitating), but i think that there are people who have taken that notion & glamorized it, like it's cool or something, or the hallmark of a true artist. of course, most people might say they wouldn't give up such horrible feelings, because when they're happy, they can't make anything worthwhile. i'm not talking about that, not about people who actually feel this way because that's just their temperament, how they are; i'm talking about people who, it just feels like in trying too hard & trying to have this lifestyle, they reason that, well, they ought to feel depressed too, but oh, what a lovely thing it must be. they romanticize it & turn it into something more pleasant. some romantic ideas, you know, may feel near the mark or close to home to someone who really actually has such feelings, but the whole idea of it being "cool" & marketable somehow, & of "collages" consisting of pretty, skinny, kind-of-worried-looking model girls & oh, just look at the depths of my emotion-- it's worthy of many an eyeroll. and i'm probably being mean again. have you seen me capitalized anything but proper nouns? most might chalk this up to be being "artsy." i call it being in a chair that demands you switch positions, one of which is not very condusive to using the shift key very often, so i get lazy. the point of that tangent being, really, that i probably cannot talk, that i do & maybe even feel things that could be exactly what i claim to dislike.

and even so, it is all simply my own feelings. and really, i wouldn't force them on anyone. not even when i see a canvas painted white would i want someone to decree what you can & can't do in art. because really, it's awesome that it has room to do so much in, & is so flexible, & all that. that doesn't keep me from feeling aggravated with certain aspects of it. and the same could go for anything (& really, i'm pretty annoyed by a lot of things): "artsy" things, clueless preps ("what does 'habitual' mean?" swear to god. and we are in COLLEGE), vulgar gangsta boys, vulgar males in general (remember, i want to deck the douches, which include at least two of my cousins!), &c., &c. and at the same time you have to remember that there are exceptions to the rule, & that people are people, with lives & feelings. but a lot of the time, it feels so aggravatingly unfair to have to remember that when you're fed up with things, when other people are so carelessly unthinking. so, i don't know, OH WELL, we're going to get angry & annoyed with people, & we're going to bitch. that's what i do just about every single day. and i get accused of making sweeping generalizations. so you see just what kind of a person i am.

all this because of some derpy-ass webcam picture; what the hell. and my japanese final is soon, & then russian one is at 3, & i'm tired & feeling kind of lonely & cold & hungry. yeah, i know, "b'awwwww, poor baby, now shut the fuck up." oh well.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


So i put my monotype of post-being-bombed-by-Luftwaffe England up on DeviantArt, & got this comment:

Very powerful image, the technique works well with your style, what kind of printing technique is it?
War is so sad, you can see it in his pose/body language too!
It would be interesting if you did an image of the bombings that happened afterwards in Germany, it would be like seeing the repercussions of our actions, and how no one wins in the end. lol maybe Im getting too deep there XD

I always end up getting comments like this from people who know more about certain things than i do. Like, my “Mythology for England” thing, & someone commented like, “Why not do one for Greece with the myths? :)” The last time i admitted that i didn’t know a Classical story (it was Theseus & the Minotaur), the reaction was, “Oh. Where do you live? ….Oh. :|” Of course, i’m American, so i’m an ignorant asshole! OF COURSE!

So yeeeaaaaaahhhhh…. it’s just kind of sort of really awkward. ._____. Just kind of.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I got a Tumblr. So now i can put a bunch of photos & quotes & videos & stuff on there.


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Music to write about the Habsburgs by:

Korean pop music.


Except not. Kono obaka-san ga!

Monday, November 16, 2009


our car died & the new one is probably going to be a cr-v. i don't like big cars like that; they look gross & wasteful. i'm already embarrassed.

i have a bad feeling that i still don't know what to do for my history paper.

i woke up at 4:30 pm today, & i still feel tired.

my stomach doesn't like me very much right now.

i wish i could go somewhere to see the leonid meteor shower.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

fucking god this is the THIRD TIME I'VE TRIED TO POST

now i'm PISSED OFF to couple with the lonliness & sadness & the thinking too much on EVERYTHING including something i thought i could get over easily. i want to get on a plane & just go somewhere. right now.


"calm" playlist (typing this bitch up is what keeps fucking navigating me away from the goddamn page what's the point of autosave if it DOESN'T SAVE YOUR FUCKING DRAFT by the time this works i'll have the list memorized)

1)Candyland-- CocoRosie
2)Slow Me Down-- Emmy Rossum
3)Shiaull Ersooyl--?
4)Arrane Ny Niee--?
5)Trees Lay By-- Josephine Foster
6)Monday's Rain-- The Clientele
7)Haunted Melody-- "
8)Lamplight-- "
9)One the Death of the Waters-- Shearwater
10)The Hunter's Star-- "
11)Return to Me-- October Project
12)Heart of Chambers-- Beach House
13)Rose-Red-- Woodland
14)Wild Child-- Enya
15)One By One-- "
16)May It Be-- "
17)Song of Nimrodel-- The Tolkien Ensemble
18)Gabriel-- Lamb
19)Beautiful Girl-- Poe
20)The Call-- Regina Spektor
21)Lullabye for a Stormy Night-- Vienna Teng
22)Shine-- "
23)Bonny Portmore-- Loreena McKennitt
24)The Lady of Shalott-- "
25)Temptasyon-- Mediæval Bæbes
26)Canon-- Johann Pachelbel
27)Last Night, Good Night (duet)-- Vocaloid song
28)Karenai Hana-- Shimokawa Mikuni
29)Istudemo Nando demo (Always With Me)-- sung by Kimura Yumi (composer: Hisaishi Joe)
30)At the Beginning-- Anastasia soundtrack
31)Fireflies-- Owl City
32)Allegria-- Cirque du Soleil

"sad" playlist
1)The Perfect Ending-- Straylight Run
2)Any Other World-- Mika
3)Speeding Cars-- Imogen Heap
4)Colorblind-- Counting Crows
5)Makka na Ito-- Plastic Tree
6)Field Below-- Regina Spektor
7)Chemo Limo-- "
8)Ode to My Family-- The Cranberries
9)Empty-- "
10)Wall of Silence-- October Project
11)Pilgrim-- Enya
12)The Godfather: Part II-- Harry and the Potters
13)The Legacy of Odio-- In This Moment
14)Carry Your Cross and I'll Carry Mine-- Tiamat
15)Eva-- Nightwish
16)Nemo-- "
17)Frutto del Buio-- Blind Guardian
18)Amity (live)-- The Gathering
19)Adagio-- att. to Tomaso Albinoni

"fuck you" playlist
1)Curse of Fëanor-- Blind Guardian
2)Leader of the Rats-- Arch Enemy
3)We Will Rise (live)-- "
4)Bye Bye Beautiful-- Nightwish
5)Stick it to Dolores-- Harry and the Potters
6)(never) Do What You're Told-- The Remus Lupins
7)Fat Fatty Fuckin' Pigs-- The Underneath

and then i had one for October & there's one for Hetalia, which is shorter than it should be. it's only got england's & america's Maru Kaite Chikyuu on there, & both of england's character songs. i never go on the lj comm to see if anybody else's has come out, orto go back through the tags to get any more. & i never listen to "einsamkeit" anymore; ffff gomenne, doitsu. that would fit on the "sad" playlist or something; a hurr hurrrrrr.

and now it's almost 5 am. thursday night i actually fell asleep at 10, woke up at 3 for a second, then fell back to sleep until 5:30-ish. it was unprecedented.

and so now here i am, sleeping in till almost 2 pm on saturday & then staying up till 5 am sunday morning. but i had this stupid idea to do a sketchbook of drawings before i went to sleep, so i have to do that before i go & keel over. & they're self-portraits, too; why; i don't even like self-portraits. i hate looking at my fucking face. maybe that's why. that makes no sense, probably. orz

meanwhile, we set stuff on fire at the senator yesterday & it got really terrifying at one point. like as in, excuse me while i have visions of the place going up in flames as Gayle dropped the bowl to stamp out the fire. i took pictures & put them on facebook. here's one

o yeahhhhh

...going downstairs, just asked mother if we were doing anything interesting today. her mouth was full, so she looked like some sort of gerbil or something & she shook her head & i was like, why, & she shrugged. i just said it was lame. because it is. extremely lame. i'm tired of being stuck in this house because i can't drive & i don't have any friends around who do. i don't have any friends around period. but i'm sick of being stuck here & never having adventures & shit & doing the things you're told you're supposed to do via quotes from (sometimes dead) famous people (like Mark Twain) & i'm jealous of people who are actually out there living. i don't like this. i don't like life. i hate this, i hate it ALL. goddammit.

actually had an interesting dream yesterday that i remembered & wrote down a quicky kind of outline about & it didn't do too many weird things. it had a plot & characters, actually, & i knew things that were plot points & stuff, like the fact the protagonist had pretzel sticks would get her in trouble because she wasn't supposed to have pretzels.

i need to stop refreshing facebook & sleep. ooo anastasia sooong. i want that movie on dvd or smthg. oh hey something else i can put on my wish list. it is absurdly difficult to think of a christmas/birthday wishlist, & i get aggravated when people bug me about it

yeah, well

i've put on "america &/or england's character CD"

decipher THAT ohohohohoho <-sounds more like france oh god wat

i clearly need sleep & will regret this post in the morning.

Sunday, November 01, 2009



The picture is semi-relevant to my feelings; haha.

Friday, October 30, 2009

October, you letdown.

This week has turned out to be bad in the way that a weekend won't remedy. And in varying degrees, as well: quietly as well as very noticably. And in ways that i don't know how they'll resolve, if at all.

Meanwhile, while at Barnes & Noble, saw a tall guy with the teeniest little coffee mug i think i've ever seen. Eee.

Kind of about that size & style.

And regular mugs:

And, lyrics that currently seem to fit how i feel at the moment, for the most part: these & these.

Friday, October 23, 2009


So apparently it'll be best if i drop the Jewelry class. My grades are apparently not so good, especially since i can't powdercoat the wire thing (it would make it into a color) because..... the thing broke. HAVE I YET MENTIONED THAT I SUCK AT WELDING? AND THAT I HATE IT?

Meanwhile, in an attempt to distract myself from frustration/anger/worry (yjsdvhfhbefvrguerhdaweubcwahdbewlrigbs): mugs. Mugs are awesome. I don't know why. They just are. If you don't believe me, you must be shown & convinced. (Hopefully none of these will be broken/taken down or i won't be roasted alive for direct linking? ehehehhhhh;;;;;)

Mustacheoed mugs, seriously.

Mug with legs.

Retro mugs

I wish i could buy these.

What's also awesome: Interiors like this.

Also, a good way to waste time (well, maybe not waste it) is to go around on people's Tumblrs or this site. I've ended up saving a bunch of pictures & spent way too much time online instead of doing anything else. :\\ Though did watch Prisoner of Azkaban last Friday & i want to watch it again already.

........damn it, i'm hungry. I think. Vacillating between hungry & nauseated; charming.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


And i can't design to save my life (which is not the best thing in Jewelry/Metals), & Google can be immensely unhelpful at a time like this, when all it manages to find are the most boring light fixtures ever made. But then it does sometimes manage to get a few good ones, ie:

what is this thing, anyways?


Actually, i think i like the busts more than anything else in the room.

I like the idea of dangly bits. I don't like the whole "encrusted with whatever that is" idea so much.

These are awesome

Something completely different!


why look where it is


Monday, September 28, 2009

The CFA machine has the best cheap hot cocoa. Unfortunately, even 75 cents builds up quickly over time. But it's really nice-- especially now that it's finally getting cooler.

....in other news, augh welding why, & printmaking has foiled me yet again. And i think i missed the rain outside. Darn it. And tired & headachy & IS THIS SEMESTER OVER YET?

But for some things, i really can't be complaining. /////

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

The things you forget you've uploaded....

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

oh hi there

So that was summer. In which Things were Actually Done.

And now fall semester. derp derp

Friday, January 16, 2009

I've decided to stop the picture thing. For one, no one reads this, another thing is that i didn't take a photo yesterday or the day before, & really... not doing anything worth taking pictures of. Plus, it's not even my camera, so if i did go anywhere interesting, i couldn't really take it with me.

So instead, here's an awesome new blog: Here.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Jan. 9

I just liked the light.

Look who arrived:

You can see some more of the seller's items here; go see. She even sent a little magnet along, too. :)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Jan. 8

Some of my art books.

Have decided this isn't exactly "art." Plus, these only serve currently to exacerbate the fact that this break of doing nothing is maddening. I don't do anything...
Jan. 7

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Jan. 6

Are you kidding me?! So F.A.B.!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Jan. 5



And no, that is not a joke.

ARTH 109 Success: This class has been added to your schedule.
GEOG 101 Success: This class has been added to your schedule.
HIST 484 Success: This class has been added to your schedule.
JPNS 202 Success: This class has been added to your schedule.
MATH 105 Success: This class has been added to your schedule.

It only took five hours & a million phone calls before i found someone who actually helped & removed the hold.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Jan 4

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Jan 3

We are raised to honor all the wrong explorers and discoverers-- thieves planting flags, murderers carrying crosses. Let us at last praise the colonizers of dreams. -Peter S. Beagle

Happy 117th Birthday, Professor Tolkien!
Jan 1

Jan 2

Friday, January 02, 2009

Happy New Year

I want to try to do the thing where, for an entire year, you take a picture a day. Not that it would quite be like Jamie Livingston (for obvious reasons), but still.

I did take a picture yesterday, but then the camera's batteries died & they're still charging. So you'll have to just trust me when i post pictures not on the day they were taken.